In psychology, “goodness of fit" is used to describe how personalities and behaviors match in parent-child relationships. Experiencing a good fit with our parents can smooth out the bumps in our childhood journey. Experiencing a poor fit can make the journey harder. Similarly, things can get difficult when there’s a mismatch between what is expected by the world around us and what we have to offer. This is especially true if we have aspects of ourselves that aren’t reflected in mainstream culture, such as neurodivergence, multicultural identities, and LGBTQIA+ identities. Our strengths can become less visible, even to ourselves, and we can become stressed and distressed as we try to change ourselves and force a sense of belonging within this poor environmental fit.

Therapy that uncovers and examines this poor fit can help heal a sense of self that has been battered by years of self-blame. It can help us know our strengths and our needs better, and support us in advocating for a change in our environment. When change can’t or doesn’t happen, therapy can help us choose how, or whether, to adapt to the situation. Therapy can reinforce that even when things get hard, and we have to adjust, we can get through by staying connected to who we are.

"Goodness of fit" is also what many of us look for when trying to find a therapist. We know the work will be challenging, but we hope finding a therapist who “gets” us will make it bearable. I am a therapist who shares my perspective and expertise, offers radical acceptance, and uses humor to help relieve stress. I seem to be a good fit for those who are comfortable with candor, challenge, and laughing with others.

deepa's philosophy